In Remembrance.

The day before we left for Texas, my Grandmother passed away.  She had not been well but the decline was rather quick.  The last time I had seen her was in October and the quiet, tired lady who I visited is not the Grammy I will remember. I am grateful that I was able to visit her then but my memories will consist of this amazingly strong woman who loved to bake, had a knack for sewing and crafts, enjoyed the yearly visit to "grammy camp," went to church and enjoyed participating in the choir, loved being with her family.

I have many many memories and as my Mom and her siblings spend the next few weeks going through her estate, I find myself remembering some great family holidays spent at her house.  Lauren and I would always have a good laugh at the ham candle, if only I knew where to find one now we would all be getting one for Christmas; the time Mom tried 3 times to make gravy for Thanksgiving dinner but it just kept turning into this weird mess of gelatinous lumpy brown stuff -- from that year on, we always brought jarred gravy, just in case;  I loved the corn roast we had one summer, orange soda in glass bottles, corn on the cob, the gigantic roasting pit, lots of family;  when Andrew and I got married, her house quickly was nicknamed "Andrew-land," it was like his Disneyland.  Guns galore,  open land for shooting squirrels, lots of birdwatching, plenty of fishing spots... I could never find the enjoyment in these things but my happiness came from knowing there would be good home cooking and always homemade cookies.

I also feel regret. I regret complaining so much about how there were only 4 stations on the TV and no internet or cell phone service up on the top of the mountain where she lived.  When I think that the house will never be the same or I may not visit it again, I regret not soaking it up more.

It was awful to miss her funeral and not be there to gather in remembrance of her with the rest of the Menne family.  Andrew and I had a commitment to fulfill in Texas. During this trip there were times I was filled with a tremendous amount of guilt.  As my family was mourning the loss of my Gram, I was participating in celebratory events marking the coming together of two lives.  It was extremely difficult, I was so happy to see my sister-in-law marry the man she has loved for 7 years but I was sad and upset to think about what my family was going through. 

I almost wish that Kenley had come into our lives a year or two earlier and that we could have brought her up to see my Gram more, when she was well.   

This picture is from our visit in October.  I am not sure if she remembered after we left that Kenley had been there but during our visit it was clear she loved Kenley.